Over the past few weeks, we have been doing some MAJOR clean-up / reorgs at the Sealy house. I ended up with a paper grocery bag 1/4 full with unlabeled audio tapes that I decided to listen to and decide what to do with. Since I have a tape player in the van, I figured I’d just listen to them on my drives. Yesterday, I found a tape that has me thinking and reflecting on my past. One side of the tape consists of a tape “letter” that I was composing to send to Lisa Wahl, a pen/tape pal from high school/college time. One side seems to be from the summer of my Junior year in college. It talks about Pat working at Pizza hut and in the process of changing his major from CS to some foreign language but not having decided which language yet.
The tape is a rambling note that refers to a paper letter from Lisa and also wonders off on to many different tangents. It is quite strange listening to myself talking about my future from my future. I keep wanting to give myself advice or grin at my younger understanding of topics that I am MUCH wiser on now!
The other strange thing is this tape is from a time before I had left home, fallen in love with Denise, or started on my career. It is from a time where I am struggling with what I want to do with my life and has me thinking about how I would have “graded” my future if I could tell my younger self how it would turn out so far. It also makes me wonder about what a future self will think about this journal and my future past (i.e. present).
What is even stranger is when I turned the tape over. It seems to start off as a continuation of the other side but then there is an abrupt switch in time to my senior year in high school. It looks like I was taping over a prior unfinished letter to the same person! [Being a pen pal was always tough for me. I do much better in an interactive chat than a long monologue. If I had had AIM or email, I might have done better since I would not have felt that I had to spend a long time composing a letter that was as big as the one I had received.] Anyway, it will be interesting to hear from an even earlier version of myself talking about my self and maybe some more gazing into the future. What started out as two failed letters to Lisa has turned out to be a time capsule to myself: something I wish I had done more of.